


Painted Wings

by irlenolacroix



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Domestic Violence, Human Gamzee, Human Tavros Nitram, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Marijuana, Minor Sollux Captor/Aradia Megido, Minor Terezi Pyrope/Karkat Vantas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-03
Updated: 2015-02-23
Packaged: 2018-02-23 22:09:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2557508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irlenolacroix/pseuds/irlenolacroix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>High school AU. Gamzee and Tavros have been best friends since middle school, and have become nearly inseparable. But each of the two boys has his own demons, and while they try to stick together, their own inner battles may tear them apart from the inside. Tavros is locked in an abusive relationship, and Gamzee is trapped within his own tortured mind. Through it all they stay hand-in-hand. But high school is a dangerous place, and everything that can go wrong will go wrong. Is this too much for the boys' friendship? Or will the strain help their relationship blossom into something more?<br/>LOTS of Gamtav, Karezi, Arasol, and other implied ships. TW for drugs and domestic violence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my first /real/ HS fic, so I figured "why not write my OTP"? I also have this published on fanfiction.net under the name Bellatrix-Everdeen, so no one is stealing my work!!! Please leave comments and tell me how I'm doing!
> 
> Warning: DO NOT READ THIS if you are triggered easily by MARIJUANA USE or DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. Neither of these appear in the first chapter, but there will be a little violence in the second, so be warned.

When he was at the age of ten, Tavros Nitram tried, very hard yet very unsuccessfully, to fly. He leapt faithfully from the tip of the steep ledge, hoping to become like his idol, Peter Pan, and fly away, high above all of his fears and anxieties that he’d harbored for so long, finally showing the world that he was worthy of something. However, it didn’t work, and instead of flying like he had dreamed he plummeted down onto the ground, breaking his lower spine and losing the use of his legs. He was now condemned to life in a wheelchair, ashamed and back to square one.  
“Hey there, Tavro-snore.”  
It was his first day of middle school; it had been nearly two years since the accident that left his legs and waist paralyzed, and already his old tormentor had found him. She had piercing blue eyes that could almost slice one’s soul clean open and smooth, milky white skin just barely tanned by the summer sunlight. She was tall and slender with breasts already larger than those of most of her peers, and she was very proud of her appearance with the exception of her hair, which was thick and wavy and bright, candy red. This was her one obvious sore point, and she, Vriska Serket, was quite bitter about it.  
“Uh…” Tavros looked up at her, blushing and nervously wringing his hands as she glared down at him with a smirk. Their relationship had been that way since kindergarten, when Vriska began her long tirade of bullying Tavros mercilessly. When he’d jumped from the ledge in fourth grade, she had been almost gleeful about his paralysis, eager to use the new material for her brutal humor. She was cold and ruthless, and Tavros had been completely in love with her for years.  
“What’s the matter, Tavbore?” She gave him a spiteful grin and leaned over him, placing her hands on his shoulders. “Thought you’d seen the last of me?”  
“N-no.”  
She laughed. “Come on, Tav, why the long face? I mean, it’s just the first day at a big new school…” She stood up straight again and leered at him, making him feel far smaller than he actually was. He rubbed the back of his neck with his right hand, using the fingers on his left to clutch his thumb, his big, dark eyes wide and staring up at her.  
“I can do it, Vriska. I mean, it can’t be that difficult to, um, navigate around here, right?” He brushed the hand that had been touching his neck over his brown hair, which was just dark enough in color to be differentiated from his skin, which was a shade of creamy latte. His hair had been shaved at the sides and the remaining hair styled into a combed-back mohawk. He was skinny, almost but not quite bony, yet still attractive in a cute, lost-puppy sort of sense. He had a shy, confused, awkward air about him, and that was what Vriska preyed on the most.  
“Maybe it will be, Tav.” She said this mockingly. “I bet you need some help finding your homeroom, eh?”  
He blushed and nodded. “A little bit.”  
She seemed to consider this for a moment, then the smirk returned to her face and she leaned down to Tavros’s level and whispered into his ear.  
“Well, too fuckin’ bad for you, then.”  
She stood up straight and, in the wake of Tavros’s stunned gaze, tossed her candy-red hair and turned around to walk away. “Adios, Tavro-snore,” she said as she headed off into the mass of new students, leaving Tavros alone once again.  
He stared after her, shocked, before blinking and realizing that he was completely lost. He pulled his schedule out of his pocket to find his homeroom number. Room A206, it read. He stared at it for a moment before looking up into the sea of people. Where the hell could that be? He put his schedule back in his pocket and slowly began to push his wheelchair along, feeling the eyes of passerby on him, looking at every door and not finding a single one saying A206. He pushed along faster, scanning more doors and trying not to look at people too much, until he reached the end of the hallway. Anxious and discouraged, he turned the chair back around, his head down, re-scanning door numbers until he felt his chair collide with something with a hard thump.  
“Ow!” Tavros took in a quick breath, surprised, before noticing the boy who had collapsed in front of him. He gasped and leaned forward. “Oh my gosh, a-are you okay? I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you, I’ll go slower now, please don’t be mad, oh god…”  
“Chill, motherfucker. I’m fine.”  
The voice was thick and raspy, sounding far older than the twelve years of its possessor. The boy Tavros had hit stood up, dusting himself off, before looking to Tavros with a relaxed smile. He had burnt sepia skin and dense, wiry black hair that looked like it hadn’t been brushed properly in months. He had a strong square jaw that made his thin face seem somewhat foreboding, but his calm, languid demeanor defied that intimidation well. He wore a pair of loose black skinny jeans and a wrinkled black T-shirt that had the word “MIRACLES” painted in dark purple across the chest. He was long and lanky, skinny but at the same time filled with lean muscle that was covered by a thin layer of fat. The intimidating facet of his appearance would have been increased by his sheer, tower-esque height, but he slumped over a little when he stood, languorous and dreamy. He smiled at Tavros in a way that nobody else ever had before, a smile of pure understanding that Tavros had never thought he would ever see in another.  
“I, uh, I’m so sorry, I should have been paying attention…” Tavros blushed and looked down at his feet shyly before hearing a laugh from in front of him. Not a menacing laugh like he was used to hearing from Vriska, but a calm, reassuring laugh that was coupled by the feeling of a hand on his shoulder. He looked up quickly to see that the other boy was grinning down at him softly.  
“Bro, it’s chill. I ain’t hurt, and you don’t motherfucking seem to be. So we’re cool, man, all right?” He looked happily down at Tavros before leaning down towards him to ask quietly, “Say, you wouldn’t motherfucking happen to know where room A206 would be, would you?”  
Tavros looked over at him, his doelike eyes wide. “That’s actually the room that I was just looking for. Are you in that homeroom too?”  
The other boy smiled. “Hell motherfucking yeah, I am. Guess we can find that wicked crazy shit together now, how’s that sound?”  
Tavros considered for a moment. After all, he had just hit this kid with his wheelchair by accident. But he seemed really nice, and he wouldn’t mind having some help finding the room…  
“Uhh, sure, man,” he said with a nervous smile. “That would be really nice, if we could look together, because with four eyes instead of, uh, two, looking for things is easier…” He trailed off, realizing that he was rambling. The other boy laughed a little, stood up straight and ruffled Tavros’s hair, causing Tavros’s face to blush furiously.  
“That’s all motherfucking true and righteous, bro.” He thought for a moment, then seemed to remember something important and looked down at Tavros again. “By the way, man, my name is Gamzee. Gamzee motherfucking Makara.” He reached out his hand and Tavros shook it bashfully.  
“Hi, Gamzee…my name is, uh, Tavros, Tavros Nitram.” He smiled up at Gamzee, who grinned.  
“Tavros…mind if I motherfucking call you Tavbro?” He looked down with a touch of shyness that Tavros had not detected before then. “Because, I mean, I was thinking we could be bros now…”  
Tavros looked up at him, wide-eyed, and smiled. “Yeah, Gamzee…I mean, it’s nice to have a friend…bro.”  
Gamzee quickly looked back at him with an expression of utter delight. “Motherfucking sweet!” He grinned toothily and headed around to the back of Tavros’s wheelchair, grabbing the handles. “Let’s motherfucking find this room, Tavbro!”  
Tavros’s face flushed a little. “I can push myself, um, if that’s easier for you…”  
Gamzee started walking anyway, pushing Tavros along in front of him. “Nah, man, it’s motherfucking chill. You’re light as hell, I can handle it.”  
Tavros sighed, but ended up smiling as Gamzee pushed him along. The taller boy’s style of movement was dreamy and smooth, yet a slight bit reckless, which made it exciting for Tavros who wasn’t used to much more than caution. They moved against the surge of students, a small movement against a wave, before arriving at a clearing near the beginning of the hall.  
“Okay, motherfucking A206…” Gamzee looked around. “All these rooms here are labeled A1 something or other, so maybe the motherfucking A2s will be upstairs.” He pushed Tavros towards a large set of double doors at the end of the hallway that led to some stairs. He closed the door behind them and was about to go up the concrete stairs when he realized something.  
“Oh.” He looked down at Tavros, who looked helplessly up from his wheelchair. “Stairs are a problem, aren’t they?”  
Tavros nodded. “Yeah…”  
Gamzee looked up the stairs, confused, but Tavros could see a determined light in his dark eyes. After a few moments of pondering, Gamzee looked down at the other boy and smiled with the spark of an idea.  
“Think you could motherfucking hold onto me if I gave you a piggyback ride, Tavbro?”  
Tavros’s brow furrowed. “You mean…you’re going to…carry me?”  
Gamzee walked over to the front of the wheelchair and squatted down with his back to Tavros. “If that’s all up and okay with you.”  
Tavros looked at him, a little unsurely, but then shrugged his shoulders. “Okay.”  
Gamzee grinned jubilantly. “Motherfucking fabulous. Just up and hook your arms right around my neck, Tav, and hold on real wicked tight. I’ll do the rest.”  
Tavros reached forward and wrapped his arms around Gamzee’s shoulders. Gamzee hoisted himself into a standing position and hooked Tavros’s legs around his hips and lifted them to place him in his elbows, so as not to let them just hang limply. He then turned around and, using what little arm he had left, grabbed the handlebars of the wheelchair, turned it around so it faced away from him, and began walking backwards up the grey concrete stairs, dragging the wheelchair with him, and with Tavros clinging to his back.  
“Are you sure this is a good idea, Gamzee?” Tavros clutched onto the tall boy’s shoulders, terrified of falling off.  
“It’s all good, man. I’ve got you. I won’t let you fall.”  
“Okay…” Tavros sighed and held on tighter.  
In a few moments they were at the top of the staircase. Gamzee grinned and leaned backwards in front of the chair, letting Tavros down into it gently. Tavros smiled at him gratefully, and Gamzee pushed them into the student-flooded upper hallway, slowly moving along, reading the numbers on the doors while Tavros looked at his schedule quietly.  
“A200, A202, A204…motherfucking there it is!” Gamzee pushed the wheelchair a bit faster until they were in front of the old oak door that read A206 in big brass letters. Tavros looked up and smiled with a sigh of obvious relief. Gamzee smiled at him and opened the door. A few students were already inside, and Gamzee pushed Tavros inside, following him with a serene expression on his face, while Tavros looked around nervously. Gamzee noticed this and ruffled his mohawk again encouragingly.  
“Don’t be scared, Tavbro. I’m right here.” He smiled at Tavros, who looked up at him, his dark chocolate eyes wide, taking in this strange yet wonderful new being who somehow liked a freak like himself. Gamzee put a hand on his shoulder and said, “If you wanna motherfucking hang out at my place after school, bro, that would be motherfucking wonderful.” He then beamed down at him, almost innocent and adorable, which is something Tavros would have never thought of him as beforehand.  
“Uh, yeah, sure…Gamz,” he said, trying out the nickname. Gamzee giggled a little and gave Tavros a quick hug. And, despite all of his fears, anxieties, and worries that he had tried so hard to fly above, Tavros smiled and hugged him back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: there are somewhat graphic depictions of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE in this chapter. DO NOT read this chapter if domestic violence or abuse triggers you in any way.

“Hello?”  
“Motherfucking ‘sup, Tavbro.”  
Tavros let out a happy little sigh as a smile crept onto his face. “Hey there, Gamz.”  
It had been five years since Gamzee and Tavros had first met in that crowded middle-school hallway. They were both sophomores in high school now, grown far more than they had been at their first meeting and far closer as well. They were almost inseparable, to the point that whenever one was seen alone they would be asked “Where’s Gamzee?” or “Where’s Tavros?”. It was the first real friendship that either had ever had, and they both relished the feeling. Now, Tavros held his cell phone to his ear, smiling at the sound of Gamzee’s voice on the other end, and leaned back in his wheelchair.  
“What’s the motherfuck up, man?” Gamzee said from the other end of the line with a little smile on his face.  
“Not much. Homework.” Tavros grimaced, even though he knew Gamzee couldn’t see him, and then giggled a little when he realized this. “What about, um, what about you?”  
“Shit, man. I forgot about the motherfucking homework.” Gamzee groaned, and Tavros chuckled lightly. “What was it again?”  
“We had that essay for English and the sheets for math and environmental science, and I think we had something for our history class too.”  
Gamzee groaned again, louder this time. “That’s a lot, bro.”  
“It’s, uh, less than we’ve had, I mean, in weeks past.”  
“Yeah, bro. Still a motherfucking ton.” He sighed audibly. “Can you come over and help me?”  
“Gamz…”  
“Pleeeeeeease?” He sweetened up his voice, and Tavros could almost see him doing his cutesy-eyes. He sighed with a little grin on his face.  
“Okay, I will. Just give me a few minutes.” Tavros lived close enough to Gamzee to go over there without having to be driven, and he kept the phone held against his ear as he began to put his things in his bag.  
“Thank you so motherfucking much, bro.” Gamzee’s voice went up almost a full octave with excitement, and Tavros giggled at his friend’s giddiness which he was beginning to feel as well.  
“No prob…wait, Gamz, just a second, I just got a text from Vriska.” He took this phone into his hands, looking at it while Gamzee sighed and grumbled something on the other end. His face dropped as he read the message, lighting up his screen in a grey speech bubble.  
Hey. Im at home. Mom and aranea left to go shopping or some shit. Im coming over. See you in a few, Tavbitch.  
Tavros put the phone to his ear again with a sigh. “I hate it when she calls me ‘Tavbitch’.”  
“What does the motherfucking spider bitch want?” Gamzee sounded angry, using his nickname for Vriska that he had developed from her fascination with spiders and his belief that she was, in fact, a huge bitch, despite her being Tavros’s girlfriend since freshman year.  
“She’s coming over.” Tavros’s voice had a vague excitement in it, but mostly irritation and a touch of extreme terror, but he tried his best to sound and feel excited. She’s your girlfriend, he thought to himself. You love her. You should be happy to see her.  
“Shit, man, I really wanted to see you… hey, bro, are you all right?” Gamzee’s voice was thick with concern. “You sound motherfucking afraid…oh god.” His voice went angry. “Did she hit you again, bro?”  
“Not, um…recently?” Tavros blushed a little, the bruise on his right shoulder still throbbing, doing his best to sound like he wasn’t lying.  
“I’m gunna motherfucking kill her.” Gamzee’s voice was deadly serious.  
“Please don’t, uh, please don’t do that, Gamzee. S-she said she would stop…”  
Gamzee was silent for a moment, then sighed. “If she does it again, then can I kill her?”  
“I don’t think you should, um, kill anybody...”  
“Okay…” Gamzee sighed.  
“I’ll be fine-shit, she’s here.” Tavros looked up as he heard the loud knocking on the door, Vriska’s customary 8 bangs. “I’ll come over later, okay, Gamz?”  
“Okay, motherfucker…” He sounded discouraged, but a bit relieved at the knowledge that he would see Tavros soon. “You come over here right away if she motherfucking hurts you, okay?”  
“I-um-okay.”  
“Good. See ya later, Tavbro.” He hesitated for a moment before adding, “I love you, man.”  
Tavros smiled a tiny bit. “I love you too, Gamzee. See ya.” He hung up, took in a deep breath, and wheeled himself over to open the front door.  
“Hey, Tavbitch.” Vriska stood there before him, her pale skin reflecting the sunlight, her candy-red hair shimmering as she stared down at Tavros, smirking. She leaned forward and kissed him before pinching his shoulder right on his bruise. She smiled a little bit seeing him cringe at the pain.  
“Hey, Vriska…” Tavros pulled the door closed as she strutted inside, laying herself on the couch and turning around to look at her boyfriend.  
“Is anyone else here?” Vriska laid herself over the back of the couch and looked at Tavros, her eyes icy and her lips formed into a devilish grin.  
“Well, um, Dad’s still at the animal shelter, he’s going to be working, uh, late tonight, but Rufioh’s here, he’s in his room, with Horuss.”  
Vriska laughed. “Those loverboys will be too busy banging to notice anything we do out here.” She leaned backwards seductively and looked over at Tavros. “Now come here.”  
“I, uh, I don’t think that’s what they’re doing…” Tavros blushed at the thought of what his older brother and his boyfriend might be doing in Rufioh’s room, but he didn’t have much time to ponder before feeling Vriska’s cool hand on his shoulder, squeezing him just firmly enough for it to be a bit painful.  
“I said come here, Tav.”  
She didn’t raise her voice, which made it even more unsettling.  
Tavros shuddered a little, hoping she didn’t notice, and wheeled himself over to the couch on which his red-haired, snowy-skinned girlfriend sat. She smirked and lay a hand on his chest before moving forward so she was sitting on him with one leg on each side of him, straddling his immobile bottom half, her skinny jeans stretching as she leaned forward to kiss him. He took in a quiet gasp as she did this and kissed her back, but less eagerly. She wrapped her arms around him, her long, polished nails clawing at his back, and leaned in to kiss his neck. He clenched his teeth, his breathing speeding up a bit, and she pressed herself against him and noticed that he was shaking. She growled a tiny bit as she nibbled on his neck and then bit down on his skin in a way that could have been disguised as sensual but in reality was quite painful, and Vriska knew this. Tavros gasped, but from pain rather than arousal, as was often the case during their encounters. Vriska just bit down harder on his neck before leaning back to look at him, seeming merely faintly amused.  
“Damn. You still haven’t learned, have you, boy?”  
Tavros rubbed the spot where she’d bitten him and felt a small trickle of blood. He grimaced and looked up at her, his eyes widening when he saw her expression, a mixture of smugness and pure rage.  
“I, uh…I’m sorry, did I do something…wrong?”  
Vriska sighed, seeming irritated, and stood up, raising a hand.  
“You never learn.”  
She slapped him so hard his teeth clamped down onto his tongue and made it bleed. Tavros made a choking noise, but knew better than to scream. He’d done that before, and the results were more slaps, even harder than the first. So he just closed his eyes and held back tears while Vriska looked down at him coldly.  
“Stop that sniveling. You look so fucking stupid like that.”  
Tavros took a few moments to breathe and looked up at his girlfriend, collecting himself despite the throbbing pain in his face and neck. The young woman before him had a chilly glare that matched her icy skin and eyes, and she placed a single hand on his cheek, digging her nails into his skin only slightly as she spoke.  
“See, this is why no one else will love you. You’re weak, Tavros. You should feel lucky that you’ve got me to teach you.”  
Tavros tried not to shudder, and so nodded with faux conviction. Vriska simply rolled her eyes, scratched at his face a little, and then kissed the top of his head.  
“You’re no fun. See you later, loser.”  
She turned and walked outside, slamming the door behind her.  
Tavros watched her go, his heart pounding with a mixture of fear, anger and lust. He touched his hand against his neck again. The bleeding wasn’t bad, not as bad as he’d had before anyways. His tongue was bleeding a bit worse, but he had tasted blood before and so wasn’t surprised by its saltiness. He wheeled himself over to the kitchen sink, got a paper towel cold and wet, and dabbed it against his neck until the bleeding had waned to a small red bite-mark that contrasted prominently with his light brown skin. He sucked in a deep breath and pulled his phone out of his pocket to text Gamzee.  
Im coming over, he wrote. Less than a minute later he got a response.  
what the motherfuck did she do to you  
Tavros sighed and grabbed his backpack as he neared the back door. It was nothing, we can talk when I see you  
shit. when I see that motherfucking spider bitch shell have a big storm coming.  
Tavros opened the back door, tentatively looking around to make sure Vriska had really gone. He saw her at the end of the street, her red hair flying in the wind, and she turned the corner and was gone. He breathed a quiet sigh of relief and pushed his way out of the driveway, carrying his book-heavy bag and going the opposite way that his girlfriend had walked, on his way to the home of the one person he trusted.  
When he got to Gamzee’s house he knocked on the door without the hesitation he usually had, and the door was answered almost immediately by a tall, lanky, familiar messy-haired figure, as though he had been waiting for him. He was dressed lazily, as usual, wearing the polka-dotted sweatpants that Tavros had given him for his birthday two years prior and he’d never seemed to take off since. He smiled when he saw Tavros, and hugged him like he usually did, but his dark eyes were full of murder.  
“Hey, Tavbro.” He stood up straight and opened the door a bit more widely so Tavros could come in. Tavros wheeled himself in, looking around the large house that had become so familiar to him over the past few years, and went with his friend back into his room.  
Gamzee sat on his bed and looked at Tavros. “Where the motherfuck is it?”  
Tavros sighed. “It wasn’t that bad…”  
“Just show me, bro.”  
Tavros hesitated, then tilted his head so that Gamzee could see the bite mark. Gamzee stood up and gently placed his fingers beside the raw skin as his eyes narrowed. He stood up straight, glaring.  
“I’m going to motherfucking kill her.”  
“Gamzee, please…”  
“Nobody hurts my best bro like that.” He stalked back over to his bed and sat down, Tavros following him to settle beside the bed. “Why the motherfuck are you still with her?”  
Tavros looked at his friend, who was looking at him with a thin anger that veiled continuous sadness and concern that filled up his gaze. He looked down, trying to come up with an answer. “Well…um, I mean I love her, and she loves me…”  
“Why the motherfuck would she hurt you so bad if she loved you?” Gamzee’s anger became more pronounced, not directed at Tavros but at the inflictor of his wounds. His eyes were full of animosity and sorrow, his body tense. Tavros saw this and rushed to say something to calm him.  
“She doesn’t mean to hurt me…she usually apologizes afterwards…” This was only true sometimes, and despite his attempts at soothing his best friend, Tavros was a very bad liar. Gamzee sighed and was silent for a while, looking at the ground, while Tavros was left with nothing to do but stare at the empty Faygo bottles littering the room, the dark purple color of the walls that had been splattered with various fabric paints from Gamzee’s homemade t-shirts and covered with old, peeling posters, and the perpetual smoky yet sweet scent that was as much a part of the room as its floor.  
“You’ve gotta leave that bitch, Tav.” Gamzee’s voice was husky, and he looked up at Tavros pleadingly. “I can’t motherfucking stand seeing you get so hurt.”  
Tavros heaved a quiet sigh, weary head hung down, eyes to the floor. “I…I don’t want to just break up with her like that, um, I mean, we love each other.”  
Gamzee stared at him, seeming defeated, his eyes still beseeching. “Okay…but you’ve gotta talk to her about the whole motherfucking hurting-you thing.” His muscles tensed and his hands curled into tight fists. “Or I’ll motherfucking do it myself.”  
“No, Gamzee, please. D-don’t do that.” Tavros gently put a hand on his friend’s knee, looking at him with a gentle smile. “I’ll, um, I’ll talk to her, okay?”  
Gamzee bit at his lower lip, not entirely comforted, but relaxing. “Okay, bro.”  
Tavros smiled a tiny bit and leaned up to hug Gamzee. The taller boy leaned into his friend’s touch, hugging him back as a small grin crept onto his face, mingling with worry and caring as he rested his face on Tavros’s shoulder. He opened his dark eyes to see the mark Vriska’s teeth had left, and he stared at it, almost shaking with rage that masked a fear for his companion, a fear that stemmed from a bond he had never felt in his life. Gamzee stared at the mark in Tavros’s light brown skin, a fleck on the creamy consistency that covered him, and sadness and anger began to overwhelm him. Gently, he leaned forward and kissed the mark quietly, letting his love out onto it as though it would be healed.  
“G-Gamzee?”  
Gamzee suddenly realized what he was doing and swung upwards into a sitting position, looking down at Tavros. “Yeah, Tav?” he said, a bit too quickly.  
“Did you…” Tavros gently placed his hand on the mark, his cheeks going a shade of dark pink. “Did you, um, just kiss that?”  
Gamzee’s blush was visible despite his brownish skin that usually obscured such things. “I, uh…I was thinking it would all up and motherfucking hurt less if I, uh, put some love on it.” Mentally he slapped himself. Put some love on it?! he thought. What the motherfuck are you thinking, dumbass?!  
Tavros looked at him, seeming confused, blushing hard himself. His heart was racing and he wasn’t quite sure why. He stared at Gamzee, who stared back, before he relaxed and smiled at him, chuckling lightly. “It’s okay, Gamz. It does, um, hurt a bit less, now that you mention it…” He grinned quietly. “It was really sweet of you. Th-thanks.”  
Gamzee stared at him for a moment longer, his heart pounding in his chest. Quickly, he relaxed as much as he possibly could and smiled, trying to seem chill and calmer than he really was. “It wasn’t no problem, Tavbro. It’s the least I could do for my chillest motherfucking man.”   
Really, he wasn’t sure quite why he had done it. His face felt as though he’d stuck it in an oven and planted tiny flames on his cheeks. But it still felt…kinda nice, a bit? And…he almost wanted to do it again…  
“Gamz? Gamzee, we still have homework…”  
Gamzee blinked quickly to see Tavros staring up at him, trying and failing to suppress a giggle. He blushed hard but laughed to cover it up, leaning over to grab a pencil and a few pieces of paper.  
“Shit, bro, I’m sorry. All up and motherfucking spaced out there.”  
Tavros giggled. “You looked like an owl.”  
Gamzee chuckled lightly, trying to hide the nervousness that he didn’t quite comprehend. “That’s what I motherfucking do. Call me…Gamz-owl.”  
Tavros smiled quietly, his cheeks still bright pink but better at pretending to be completely calm than Gamzee was. “Do you have your, uh, math textbook?”  
“Shit…”  
Gamzee fell backwards on his bed, groaning loudly. Tavros laughed, the awkwardness forgotten, and pulled out his stuff. Gamzee sat back up and managed a smile underneath his annoyance at himself, and he leaned over Tavros’s shoulder, watching the other boy as he worked. The warmth between them was still there, but there was a change, and it was tangible within both of them. There was the tenderness, but there was a level of fear there that they both felt, and when Tavros left that evening their final hug lasted a few moments longer than it usually did, as though they were terrified of what would happen if they let go.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update!!! Here's a Gamzee POV. Thank you all so much for reading!  
> WARNING: This chapter contains MENTIONS of DRUG USE.

Gamzee Makara lifted the plastic bottle to his lips, drained it, crumpled it in his hand, and dropped it casually to the floor of his room. There was rap music from the 1990’s coming from his laptop and fabric paint staining his hands. He had been making shirts again, but in the midst of this project had become sleepy-eyed and so was now drinking the Faygo that littered his bedroom to keep himself awake. He didn’t quite want to sleep yet. The nightmares might come back.  
He sat up in bed and pulled his colorful hands into his shirt to warm them up. November had just begun, and the Makara home was cooling just like the outdoors, no matter how high they turned the heat. It was quiet in the house with the exception of Gamzee’s music and the occasional footsteps of his elder brother Kurloz out in the hallway. It was nearly two o’clock in the morning and the next day would be Tuesday, but the Makaras weren’t ones to sleep much, especially not Gamzee. When he slept, it was usually during class, and either Tavros or Gamzee’s friend Karkat would have to awaken him. He preferred to sleep when he was in a class with Tavros, as Tavros would usually just watch him sleep for a while before gently shaking him awake. Karkat was far less docile when it came to waking his friend up.  
Gamzee sat there for a moment before blinking, realizing that he had been staring blankly at some of the old, peeling posters on his darkly colored walls for about five minutes, lost in thought. He laughed at himself a little and shook his head. The room was a mess, and he needed to fix that. He couldn’t get spacey now; Tavros was coming over tomorrow, and Gamzee wanted his room to look at least somewhat respectable. He stood up, knowing that if he waited for another moment to do so then he would forget to stand at all, and surveyed the room. There were bottles of Faygo in various degrees of emptiness strewn about and not-quite-dry painted shirts lying on the ground. There were two bongs on the floor; one was in good condition and the other was smashed to pieces. Gamzee took some deep breaths as he looked at it and then quickly gathered up the broken glass. It had been smashed the night before as a result of Gamzee awakening from a particularly bad nightmare, and he didn’t like to remember it.  
“Motherfucking shit,” he mumbled to himself as he dumped the glass shards into the trash bin he barely ever remembered to use. There were still scratches on his hands from when he had broken it, and he shook his head to try and forget as he walked drowsily back to his bed, picked up the other bong, and tucked it into his closet. He had been trying not to smoke as much, as he had been running out of money recently and didn’t exactly have the grades to get any jobs better than working at McDonald’s, and his dad most certainly wouldn’t want him doing that. Besides, Tavros didn’t like the smell of it, and he didn’t like it when Gamzee smoked anyways. Gamzee’s supplier was something of a looming presence who would try to deal whenever Gamzee came to school, sometimes resorting to threats of violence, but the messy-haired boy had gotten pretty good at ignoring people. After all, he was usually the one that was ignored, and if anyone knew how to tune something out it was definitely Gamzee.  
He shut his closet doors, ignoring the protest of all the shit he’d stuffed in there. His collection of random paraphernalia was getting too big, or perhaps his closet was just getting far too small. He sighed, turned and surveyed the bedroom with the pure focused intention of a soldier targeting the enemy. It was just unkempt enough to seem casual, but not so much so that it looked like a tornado had flown around it. He tossed a few of the empty Faygo bottles into the trash bin and then collapsed on his bed. He didn’t want to sleep; not yet, not ever. But the nighttime was so compelling. He managed to reach out an arm and power down his laptop before sinking into slumber, settling down into the soft darkness of his own mind.  
There were cuts on his face.  
He noticed this immediately. The soft stinging was unmistakable and the rank smell of blood further confirmed the knowledge. He touched his face to feel them but the stickiness of his own hot blood mixed with something else. His hands were covered in blood as well, but only some of it was red. There were so many colors and they somewhat resembled the fabric paint that so often stained his skin, but something inside him knew, he just knew it was blood. He stared at his hands and tried to wipe the blood away, but it was washing over his feet now. Shades of green and blue and brown and red were engulfing him and he knew that he would drown if he didn’t get this blood off of his hands. He shook them off, but the blood only stuck harder, and the sea rose to his waist, slowly, cripplingly slow. He shook his hands furiously, but they seemed to only get bloodier. He bit back a scream, knowing that he was alone, and suddenly he felt something drip from one of the gashes across his face. His own blood was dripping into the fleshy ocean that was now at his chest, thick and heavy and—was that—purple? His own blood was a shade of dark purple-indigo and swam into the sea, filling it to Gamzee’s neck. A surge of panic rose inside of him much like the feeling a child gets when he realizes that he cannot find his mother in a crowded mall. He raised his hands out of the ocean but now the blood was running down his arms, and as he opened his mouth to scream it became filled with—  
Gamzee woke up on the floor of his bedroom.  
He was trembling. Funny, he wasn’t usually the type to shake with fear. He had dreams like that all the time, horrors that made him wish he could tear his eyes out and noises that made him want to go permanently deaf. It should have been something he was used to. But tonight it was different. He saw the fabric paint that had by now dried onto his hands and had to bite his tongue to keep from screaming. He felt like blood was still slithering over him, and he closed his eyes, whispering reassurances to himself.  
“It ain’t real. It ain’t real.” Gamzee repeated it to himself over and over, curling into a ball with his hands in his hair, but none of this sufficed. His lungs still felt thick with blood and he could not stop trembling. He opened his eyes, looking around his dark room, but not even the familiarity of it made him feel safe. He felt like he had just been removed from his body and placed into one of somebody he didn’t know. He felt insane.  
Before he knew it, his cellphone was in his hands. Four, one, three, two…he knew the number by heart. He put the phone to his ear and listened to the monotonous, shrill melody of the ringing, not even sure of what he was doing for a little bit until a sleepy voice came onto the other end.  
“Mm…Gamzee? What time is it?”  
Gamzee’s voice came out hoarse. “Tav…”  
“Gamz?” The soft voice grew concerned. “What happened?”  
Gamzee had to struggle to speak again. “I had a motherfuckin nightmare.” A quick breath. “I can’t sleep.” Another, slower breath. “I need you to talk me back to sleep.”  
Tavros was quiet for a moment. “I’m sorry. I, uh, know how dreams can get.” A short pause. “What should I..?”  
“Anything.”  
“Uhh…” There was a silence from Tavros and Gamzee started shaking again before the voice started back up. “Did I, um, did I ever tell you about how my heat went out last winter and I didn’t, uh, leave my room for a week?”  
Gamzee shook his head before realizing that Tavros couldn’t see him and said a strained little “No.”  
Tavros sighed softly over the phone and Gamzee heard a sleepy little laugh. “Well, our heat went out. I, uh, I’m usually pretty cold all the time, so I was pretty freezing. I, um, buried myself in blankets that day and didn’t move unless I, uh, got really hungry or really had to pee or something, and when that happened I, uh, almost froze to death.” He paused for a moment. “This is probably pretty boring, sorry…”  
“No,” Gamzee said quickly. “Keep going. I motherfucking love your voice.”   
For some reason saying that brought an odd little twinge to Gamzee’s stomach and Tavros was silent for a few seconds. When he began to speak again his voice was quieter and his stuttering a little more apparent.  
“Oh…uh, uh, okay…” There was a silence where Tavros seemed to be collecting his thoughts before speaking again. “Anyways…I barely moved from my bed for, uh, a whole week. It was so cold. And, uh, when I went back to school…I, uh, forgot to take off the blankets.” He chuckled softly and the sound soothed Gamzee. “So I was at school with all these, um, blankets on my lap, and I, uh, got a few kids coming up to me and I was too shy to talk to them so…one of them just gave me twenty, um, dollars and took one of the blankets.”  
A small laugh was coaxed from Gamzee’s mouth. “Shit, bro.” He began to relax and lay back down with the phone still up to his ear.  
“Yeah. Then the, um, rest of the kids he was with did the same thing and then I, uh, only had one blanket left…but I, uh, also had eighty dollars.” Tavros laughed quietly, and Gamzee could almost hear the soft little smile on the boy’s lips. “So that was, um, pretty nice…”  
Gamzee yawned a little. “Keep talking,” he murmured into the phone. Tavros’s voice relaxed him, and he was able to close his eyes without seeing the scary images that haunted him.  
“Uhhh…okay. Do you want to hear about the, um, little stray cat I found when I was seven but couldn’t, um, keep because it made me sneeze?”  
Gamzee smiled a tiny bit. “Yeah, Tavbro.”  
“Okay.”  
Less than twenty minutes later Gamzee was asleep with the cell phone still in his hand. Tavros’s voice still buzzed gently from the speaker for a little while until he heard Gamzee’s quiet snoring and he paused.  
“Gamz? Gamz, you there?”  
No response. A tiny laugh.  
“Okay. I hope your nightmares don’t come back. You, uh, you sleep well, okay, Gamz? You’re my best friend…I, um, I love you. Okay. Um. Goodnight.”  
The phone clicked into silence and sleep enveloped the two boys on opposite sides of the neighborhood.


End file.
